Day’s Word Count: 6,632.

Total Word Count: 32,655.

Words to Go: 17,345.

Oh my God, I did it. I doubled my average word count. Christ, that feels better than I can tell you, seriously. I aimed for 5,200 and soared right over it.

The downside to this is that I might have burned myself out completely. I’m praying not, but it’s entirely possible. Near the end of the night I found myself staring at the page begging the words to come out but receiving nothing. Nothing more depressing than that. I have such a vast story to get to. I have such destructive things to make happen and then to heal. To think that tomorrow I might be sitting here wishing I could write again is a horrifying thing.

But today had to happen, and I can’t complain. Leana and Andrew took over my mind again, as my snippets demonstrated. It was actually sort of funny how that happened. After finishing a section in Tenor’s POV and rejoicing because I was finally back on the way to the plot again, I came back to Leana and started what appeared to be a very innocent scene with her doing homework on Sunday night. But as I was writing it, I began to see the scene developing in my mind, literally being told what the story itself wanted to do, and I nearly cried. I believe I paraphrased it nicely to my boyfriend as “NO, story! No, you’re not allowed to have Leana go see Andrew again, for Christ’s sake! T_T”

Suffice to say I wrote the scene anyway because it had to be done. But luckily the first weekend of the book is over and done with and I can move on to more logical things to advance the plot.

On that same train of thought, I was honestly almost crippled today as I read back over some of what I wrote and realized that it’s not good yet. It was horrible. I asked myself how I could ever be a novelist if what I wrote came out like this.

God likes to play with things like that, though. The NaNoWriMo website sends out pep talks maybe once or twice a week from published authors that are often relatively well-known so that we don’t lose our steam. The one today came from author John Green, and one paragraph generally gave me everything I needed to keep going:

“At this point, you’ve probably realized that it’s nearly impossible to write a good book in a month. I’ve been at this a while and have yet to write a book in less than three years. All of us harbor secret hopes that a magnificent novel will tumble out of the sky and appear on our screens, but almost universally, writing is hard, slow, and totally unglamorous. So why finish what you’ve started? Because in two weeks, when you are done, you will be grateful for the experience. Also, you will have learned a lot about writing and humanness and the inestimable value of tilting at windmills.”

For any of you who are doing NaNoWriMo and reading this, it’s so true, you know. Especially at my age. I’m nowhere near hitting the way I’m going to write for the rest of my life, not by a long shot. I have a lot of bad habits to kick, which is really what my novel is one big experiment for. I’m taking a more dialogue-driven approach at this point in an attempt to get rid of my really flowery days, where I spewed adverbs and such things like rainbow vomit. I might totally overdo this new style, but I’m not going to know until I try and I definitely can’t just stick with the old stuff. It wasn’t working for me at all.

Besides. There’s always an insane amount of time for editing later if I decide I ever want to pursue publication with this novel. We’ll see what happens.

I leave this entry today with my favorite part of John Green’s pep talk: “So here’s the pep part of my pep talk: Go spit in the face of our inevitable obsolescence and finish your @#$&ng novel.”

Yes sir.